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THE USURPER

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sick of the internet [25 Jul 2007|02:29am]
still alive, spraying a fecal brown torrent of taco grease and curry onto your mother's post-op tranny chest.

coming up: aum festival starts thursday. and then a week or so after i get back, combichrist. unfortunately it's at the ghetto thug-infested lizard lounge. i hope the gangstas show up so they can be sacrificed to the gods of superior german weaponry.

i'm sick of dallas.
i'm moving to austin soon.
where i will buy guns and engage in combat pistol training.
come and get me, FEMA.

but yeah i'm gonna delete this shit soon...and probably myspace too since it's now owned by rupert murdoch's wrinkly scrotum. grab my email address from my profile if you want to keep in touch.
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looking for roommate at the end of the year [04 Sep 2006|09:12pm]
my roommate is moving out and joining the navy at the end of the year. we live in a decent 2 bed/bath apartment about 2 miles north of the spring creek campus of collin college, right on the border of allen and plano. total rent is $715/mo.

i am not opposed to relocating but i would want to stay within a reasonable driving time of the college.

i am also not opposed to moving to austin.
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so i met this girl... [03 Sep 2006|08:50am]
she makes strange noises like i do...she squeaks :)
i read my horoscope today the first two words were "oh, infatuation".
that creeps me out.
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[11 Aug 2006|06:31am]
i'm seriously considering deleting my livejournal cause i never fucken use it. i hardly read people's journals anymore. it sucks that myspace is winning the teenage socialite attentionwhoring fucktard contest. cause i think a bunch of monkeys with a java compiler could have done a better job.

saturday night is a meteor shower watching campout / party in austin. it's going to kickass.
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dear FCC [20 Jun 2006|11:09pm]
i would like to thank your organization for its unending vigilance. without your despotic levying of fines the female breast would be free to lactate its hot milk of desire into the mouths of children everywhere.

the FCC is listening.
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i am the sultan of stupidity and the emperor of idiocy! [14 May 2006|03:00pm]
the follow is a message that i sent to an 18 year old who messaged me on okcupid. sleep deprivation is way too fun to be legal...


i lub you long time, and all you have to do in return is help me wax my dreads.
.
.
.
i don't think you'd take it seriously, but just in case i'll go ahead and tell you that the above comment is completely sarcastic and was invented solely for my entertainment. if you actually wanted to put my penis in your mouth without knowing my last name, that would be kind of weird. hahaaaa if we ever meet, you should randomly start trying to take my pants off just to make me uncomfortable. my awkward reaction should be recorded and used against me in a future political campaign to convince the voters that i am a morally bankrupt homosexual packer of the fudge. ...although if i were high that would significantly decrease any resistance on my part. i wouldn't be any more comfortable with it so much as apathetic, and since i weigh 108 pounds you could easily tie me up and then ask me who my daddy is. "janet reno is my father!! janet reno!!" i screamed, but i realized that i was wasting my breath as i watched you repeatedly press the button that activated the electric clamps attached to my eyelids. ok, so... the point to take from all of this, is that if you start taking my pants off while i'm stoned, you might actually end up with a dong in your mouth. and then i would be bound by honor to return the favor. and THEN...actually hmmm. i'm not sure how i feel about a yougun' like you losing your virginity to a hairy old bastard like myself for a couple of reasons. the first is that deep down underneath my cynical shell, i'm kind of idealistic, and think that a girl's first time should carry some sort of significance and not be something that she regrets. the second is that losing it to me would be skipping ahead in the game, cause 15 year old boys don't have any vagina sk1llz to go along with their bowstaff skills and pokemon cards. in reality when most people loose it, it's over in under 5 minutes and is just pathetic. i know my first time was...after it was over i clearly remember thinking "wow, why do people make such a big deal out of this?" and whatever you do, don't lose your virginity to me while i'm sleep deprived, cause sleep deprivation delays orgasm and i would end up kabobing one of your ovaries. and that would set your standards way too high. oh wait...i know a solution! i could penetrate you (uhuhuhuh...i said penetrate) just enough to remove any doubt of your unvirgin-ness, and then i'll make retarded teenage boy orgasm sounds. it will all be over in less than 30 seconds leaving you completely unsatisfied like everyone else is their first time. you'll whine about how crappy it was during my refractory period, and then start taunting me and calling me names like "minute man" and "USS Challenger." eventually your taunting will arouse a furious anger in my loins. And my Holy Scepter of Yogurt-Slinging will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to get me to buy a crappy overpriced american muscle car to compensate for my very small penis! and you will know my name is Bill Clinton when your cervix has to apply for disability to make rent each month!

PS: be thankful for your mother
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FOUR POINT OHHHH YEAH, THAT'S THE SPOT! [14 May 2006|01:16am]
030 CHEM1411S05 GENERAL CHEMISTRY I A 4.00 16.00
070 GOVT2301S13 AMERICAN GOVERNMENT I A 3.00 12.00
060 HIST1301S13 U.S. HISTORY I A 3.00 12.00
011 SPCH1321S02 BUSINESS & PROF. SPEAK A 3.00 12.00


AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M ON THE FUCKING PRESIDENT'S LIST!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCKETY SHIT-FUCK-PISS

*rolls around on the floor*
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burn, baby... [13 May 2006|07:55pm]
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)High
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
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i don't understand... [28 Mar 2006|03:39am]
http://www.sltrib.com/utah/ci_3646084

...why someone would do this. a 14 and 15 year old girl for fuck's sake. we have such potential, yet we do things like this...it makes me sad. i can feel the sorrow of these people missing their friends and sons and daughters :(
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assimilate me [28 Mar 2006|02:36am]
if the borg were to knock on my door i would let them assimilate me. and then i'd go to the church on sunday (goth/industrial night) and dance the robot for awhile. but as soon as the asshole DJ played something by the cure or any crapass goth or darkwave, i would let out a cybernetic scream and start to assimilate everyone in the club. TONIGHT: DALLAS; TOMORROW: THE WORLD. except for cops. i wouldn't assimilate any cops. i'd let them run around shooting at we drones with their inferior projectile weapons for awhile but that would get old pretty fast. i think i'd turn them into sex slaves for bottlenose dolphins. i know that borg aren't supposed to have a sense of humor and all, but who wouldn't laugh their ass off watching a krispykreme and starbucks fattened cop getting reamed by a bottlenose dolphin?
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[16 Mar 2006|04:15am]
you want an update?

yesterday evening adam and matt and myself went exploring in the sewage tunnels under a memphis ghetto with blinky light toys and a portable stereo playing psytrance. if i ever start a cult this is going to be the initiation rite.

ps: i fucked your mom and afterwards she made fun of my penis
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[23 Feb 2006|01:13am]
Geolibertarian (from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geolibertarian)

Geolibertarians consider land to be the common property of all mankind. They say that private property is derived from an individual's right to the fruits of their labor. (in this first label geolibertarianism have no difference with anarchists economic vision). Since land is not created by anyone's labor, it cannot be owned.

This strict definition of property as all fruits of labour makes geolibertarians fervent advocates of free trade. They believe that people have the right to do anything with what is legitimately theirs. Like all libertarians, they believe in the legalization of every activity between consenting adults, which includes any trade to which both parties agree.
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coalescence [20 Feb 2006|08:14pm]
today...was odd. a few different people that i casually know all coalesced into one group before my eyes...
pete is in my speech my class, and is from australia. i tend to give foreigners the benefit of the doubt unless they are from italy.
andrew just started working at a starbucks in mckinney that i frequent. i shot the shit with him briefly a few days ago when i locked my keys in my car outside of said starbucks.
sarah is a cute and amiable junge frau who sits near me in government.

i walk into the cafeteria after government today and they're all sitting in the same group of people. someone else at the table needed a jump...i forgot his name, heh. i drive my car over to his, he sees my libertarian bumper sticker and says that he is one as well. spiffy. he then shows me the double barrel 12 guage shotgun in his trunk. gahaha. we go back in to the cafeteria and i sit with this group of people while eating. topics of discussion included the abortion punch, and bullet-deflecting steel hymen.

it's crazy how it all came together like this in the 2 hours between government and chem lab. very suddenly, james thinks he'll be making some new friends.

oh and completely unrelated: a random deaf guy in the libarary asked me if i had any pot via writing on a piece of paper and then showing it to me, and it was fucking awkward, haha. i wonder how you'd do that in sign language.
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seizures [20 Feb 2006|12:55pm]
i love driving into the college parking lot blaring something crazy like dissociactive or ocelot while convulsing in my car. the poor west plano 13th graders have no idea what's happening. they're all like, OH NO WHAT IS THAT OTHERWORLDLY SOUND LIQUIFYING MY BRAIN? when the aliens invade, i'm going to be their diaper clad harbinger of doom.
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[16 Feb 2006|01:52pm]
i saw meat beat manifesto last night. it was a good show. i wish i hadn't been so exhausted. i paid $4.50 for a red stripe. what the fuck.

i just found out that if i pass all of my classes this semester i will only need 11 hours next semester to finish my associate of arts degree here...so theoretically i could transfer to UT spring 07. the timing would work out well as my roommate will be going into the military at the end of next year.

speaking of roommates...we have put down a deposit and applied for a lease at the place where devibunnie lives. i like it. the grounds are open and have plenty of flora. it's close enough to school that i could walk if necessary. and we're getting over 1000 square feet for $715/mo. it would have been $30 cheaper per month if we had been able to sign a 13 month lease.

saturday i'm going to go see the vagina monologues at UNT and hopefully get my picture taken with a giant chocolate cunt.
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[10 Feb 2006|09:13am]
i slept about like ass last night. got in bed at midnight...lindsey called me at 2am and i hadn't slept yet. i was in and out until the sun started coming up...and the dream i was having torwards the end of my sleep was violent and disturbing. the kind where you wake up with a slightly sick feeling in your stomach. and now i get to be inconvenienced by other people's incompetence for awhile.

but i'm trying not to think of any of this as "bad". i'm trying to consider the idea that there is no "bad". this is the balance, the yang to the yin, and as much a part of the sacred om as fluffy puppy eyes...with the little boogars in them...awwww....awwwwwwwwwww

HAHAHAHAHA i really nauseate myself sometimes
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so [07 Feb 2006|11:53pm]
it never fucking ends.

i got an oil change saturday. as i'm nearing home tonight, i see my oil pressure light flicker. after parking i pop the hood and, much to my dismay the oil filter cap is MISSING AND THERE IS OIL ALL OVER THE BOTTOM OF THE HOOD AND ENGINE BLOCK.

the goodyear on preston road in frisco is going to have its asshole bored out tomorrow morning.
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[05 Feb 2006|10:06pm]
the band had its first show last weekend at the dallas music festival. it wasn't bad for our first show, and more importantly we had fun. the show was recorded to minidisc so hopefully we'll get that on the internet soon. we're also going to record the 8ish songs we have soonly, which will be extra super fun for me because recording percussion is a pain in the ass.

ummmm what else. i made an A on my first chemistry exam. did you know that matter is mostly empty space? i went to denton (home to UNT and TWU) last night to party it up with sophie. you might ask if i had fun. i would reply "oversized bicycle jousting." enough said. denton is fun, i'm sure i'll be spending some weekends there. and oh my orgasm, TACO CABANA. sitting in the denton taco cabana half drunk at 5am eating chicken enchiladas was amazing. i <3 texas.

tomorrow in chemistry lab i get perform a distillation and recrystalization of a mixture of solids. BAHAHA
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[29 Jan 2006|05:03pm]
You are a

Social Liberal
(86% permissive)

and an...

Economic Conservative
(76% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Libertarian




Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test
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[29 Jan 2006|05:29am]
*pats self on back for not letting self's penis get self in trouble*

I AM THE MASTER OF MY SCHLONG
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